What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 06:59
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I write beautiful poetry .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What misfortune led to an important discovery?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
This is soul school!.
Why does the God of the Bible condemn homosexual acts?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
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We were not on the streets..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One cannot live in the past .
What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What does it mean when you dream that your mother died?
Was to survive, this bastard.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I never cut or harmed myself..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Is a man over 50 not married no kids a red flag?
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So whats the point in blame.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was in good health!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who then, do I blame.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was scared of men, in general
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We all went to grammer schools
Im dying but, im not bitter.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im still living with it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Comes on , in middle age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
She married twice! .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My family never makes their pension either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
He knew the spot.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i lived it daily.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
I said to her
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Put me off passion for life!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.